


you say i'm the devil (i don't disagree)

by brbabe



Series: quit [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 07:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15903933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbabe/pseuds/brbabe
Summary: Even though Mark had said it would never happen again, it kept happening. At the bathroom stalls, the library, the locker room after Mark’s practice, Mark’s room, Mark’s kitchen, his living room. Once, in his bathroom shower even. It was happening, happening, happening.





	you say i'm the devil (i don't disagree)

_“are you busy?”_

The message shines almost blindly on Donghyuck’s phone screen, he already knows what comes next. Unsurprisingly, the _“can you come over?”_ is sent three minutes after the first one.

At this point Donghyuck suspects Mark already knows he’s never busy enough he can’t stop whatever it is he’s doing to run to his doorstep. He knows he’s going to regret it, but he unlocks his phone anyways and sends a quick text. Fifteen minutes, Donghyuck sends and Mark tells him he’s gonna leave his door unlocked. A bitter, ugly laugh comes out of his mouth as he puts on some clean sweatpants, after all these months Donghyuck is still a guest, someone Mark invites over once a week, twice a week if he’s feeling particularly needy, he doesn't deserve a key to Mark’s apartment.

They are not boyfriends, they are not even friends.

Donghyuck is someone Mark knows. He is someone Mark has seen around campus, someone Mark shared his blunt in the rare occasions they were at the same party. Donghyuck is not someone Mark kissed softly against the brick wall of the house of a friend of a friend. He is not someone Mark invited to his house, to his room, to his bed. He is not someone who’s used to the feeling of Mark’s skin against him, not someone who knows how Mark likes to be kissed (you need to use your tongue a lot, but he goes wild when you bite his lip), not someone who knows how Mark likes to be fucked (he likes to be on top, and he wants you to tell him he’s doing good).

Donghyuck is barely an acquaintance.

It’s cold when Donghyuck leaves his room, and Jeno is fast asleep on their couch. That’s one of the reasons why Mark never comes over, “ _it’s too risky_ ” he always says, “ _your roommate is always there”_ , and what a disaster would it be if Jeno saw Mark hanging around there, sitting on the kitchen counter with Donghyuck between his legs, nuzzling against his neck. It’s better to keep this thing at Mark’s apartment.

He reaches over the couch to fetch Jeno’s jacket, and puts it on top of his own sweatshirt before he leaves and locks the door, since it’s already cold and it’s gonna be even worse when he comes back at half past four in the morning. Mark never lets him stay the night. It’s not like he asks Donghyuck to leave, but Donghyuck knows when he’s not needed anymore, knows when he’s not wanted. Mark just smiles at him, drops a kiss on his bruised lips and gets out of the bed, it’s a sign.

Donghyuck is not there when Mark comes back.

Donghyuck used to feel dirty, used, pathetic, unloveable, but he’s past that point now. Jeno pities him, but Jeno doesn't know how it feels to love someone so much you put them above yourself. It’s not healthy, Donghyuck knows. He needs to get over this - whatever it is - he has with Mark, but he can’t.

It’s like he’s under a spell, Mark will text him, or, when he’s feeling daring, he will even call to tell Donghyuck he misses him, ask him to not leave him alone, and that’s all Donghyuck needs to hear. Being away from Mark drives him crazy. Here, inside his car stuck on a red light even though there's no traffic at two in the morning, he allows himself to fantasize. He allows himself to think how it would feel to love and be loved in return. It hurts, stings like when you are laying on the grass and you feel that one little bug sinking teeth on your skin - or sinking what they have instead of teeth.

Sometimes, Donghyuck even cries. It’s rare, but it happens more than he’d like to. Like when Mark ignores his messages, because Donghyuck is not allowed to reach out first. Or when Mark disappears for weeks and Donghyuck has to see him walking around with a pretty girl hanging off his arm. But Mark always comes back to him, in the end. Perhaps, that’s what makes Donghyuck accept this arrangement they have. Maybe it’s not just desire, maybe there’s something more hidden.

If he waits, just a little more, maybe Mark will come around. Jeno hates when he says that, _“it's been a year, Hyuck, he’s not in love with you”_ , his intention is good, Donghyuck knows, he wants Donghyuck to be free, but it’s not that easy.

Donghyuck himself is not sure if he wants to be free.

Mark Lee was Donghyuck’s first partner on a big project, as soon as Donghyuck started his classes. Mark wasn't even supposed to be in that classroom, but the subject was a prerequisite to that one class he wanted the most. It was Donghyuck’s bad luck acting up, now he knows. Back then, he was fascinated. They kissed for the first time on Mark’s couch, after finishing the project, and it wasn't his first kiss with a boy, but Donghyuck was infatuated.

Even though Mark had said it would never happen again, it kept happening. At the bathroom stalls, the library, the locker room after Mark’s practice, Mark’s room, Mark’s kitchen, his living room. Once, in his bathroom shower even. It was happening, happening, happening. It took a month for Donghyuck to realize the pattern: always where no one could see, always when Mark wanted, no, they can’t talk about it, yes Donghyuck, it would be better if you didn’t tell anyone. A secret, Donghyuck had thought, but it’s even more than just a secret. It kind of isn’t even real. Too late, anyways, he was already in love.

Love hurts. A lot, by the way, but to be honest? He is numb. Donghyuck fixes his hair on the elevator mirror as he waits for it to stop on Mark’s floor. Jeno will want to kill him, when morning comes, he’s gonna lecture him for a few minutes, but it will need just one of Donghyuck’s tears to make him stop, just like it happened the first time Mark made Donghyuck’s heart hurt so bad Donghyuck felt like ripping it out of his chest. He tried to leave. He remembers how it felt to not see Mark for a few days, to not feel him, kiss him, have him. It may be a little over the top, but Donghyuck would rather die. He used to tell himself, it’s the last time, but he’s addicted. If that’s what Mark wants to give him, one night when the city is asleep, then it’s okay, Donghyuck will take what he can get.

He opens Mark’s door. “You said fifteen minutes.” Mark whines from the couch, pouting like a baby.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, love.” Donghyuck replies, taking off Jeno’s jacket. He sits down on the couch and Mark crawls into his lap in a second. “I am here now.” He says, and Mark smiles contently.

That hurts too, when Mark acts like this, clingy and lovely, when he inhales Donghyuck’s scent and sighs happily. This makes Donghyuck even sadder, because it’s not real. “Want you.” Mark whispers, voice soft and needy as he rubs himself all over Donghyuck. “Want you so much. Miss you.” He keeps whispering, quietly. Donghyuck can feel Mark’s heartbeat against his chest; Mark is wearing just a oversized shirt, like this Donghyuck almost forgets how broad Mark actually is.

He caresses the soft skin of Mark’s naked thighs. “You could’ve texted me earlier.” Says, and moans a little when Mark grinds down on his lap. Mark always can text him earlier, call him earlier, everyday if he wants so, to be honest, Donghyuck wouldn’t ever leave if it was his choice. Mark doesn't say anything.

From this point, they don’t really talk anymore. An hour or so later, Mark drapes himself all over Donghyuck to kiss his swollen lips and gets up, leaving him there. Donghyuck watches him leave the bed, his cute butt naked and slightly red from where Donghyuck squeezed too hard. He sighs and sits down, following their protocol, Mark will come back in ten minutes, still wet from the shower and sleepy, that’s when Donghyuck leaves. He looks around the room, wishing so bad he could stay and cuddle Mark, maybe even sing for him to sleep. He can’t though, this is not his reality. He has to leave and wait for Mark to call him again, in two days or in a week. Who knows.

When he’s getting dressed, he takes a look at the mirror and sees the hickeys adorning his neck and collarbones. Mark always liked to mark him up, but he never lets Donghyuck do the same, not where anyone can see. Donghyuck is allowed to bite and suck on his collarbones, the space in between his ribs, his sternum, the inside of this thighs, the smooth skin of where Mark’s ass meets his thigh.

But it ends there.

Donghyuck has been doing this for so long, he already knows he doesn’t have to say goodbye. Mark knows he’s leaving, but Donghyuck likes closure, so he says, door already open: “Bye, Mark.” He doesn't linger around to hear a response, because Donghyuck has been doing this for so long, he knows there won’t have any.

In his car, still parked at the end of Mark’s street, he bangs his head three times against the wheel. To hurt physically, so he will have it matched with the emotional pain. He hates that his whole body smells like Mark, hates that his legs are still somewhat wobbling, hates that their rendezvous is still bright and real behind his eyelids, hates that he can taste Mark on his lips. Donghyuck hates himself. He knows he can’t go on like this. It hurts.

Loving Mark Lee hurts. Wanting Mark Lee hurts.

When he gets home, Jeno is not on the couch anymore. He checks Jeno’s room, but he is not there either. Donghyuck sighs. He drops Jeno’s jacket on the couch and goes to the bathroom, takes a quick shower and uses Jeno’s body wash, just so he won’t smell like Mark anymore (it doesn't matter, though, he knows Mark’s smell by heart, he could create amortentia from his memory alone). He swallows the sob wanting to break free from his throat and concentrates on cleaning Mark’s fingertips out of his skin.

Jeno is on his bed, playing on his phone when Donghyuck comes out of the shower. He puts on the same clothes he was wearing before he left to see Mark.

“Hi.” He says, sitting down on the bed. Jeno just opens up his arms and that’s all he sees before his vision gets blurry with tears and Jeno pulls him to his chest as he sobs painfully.

“Shhhhh, Hyuck, it’s okay, come on baby, let it out.” Jeno comforts him, used to the way Donghyuck ruins his shirt with tears and snot.

“I can’t stand this anymore.” Donghyuck chokes out against Jeno’s stomach, crying even harder when he feels the way Jeno sighs. They both know Donghyuck is tired, but they also know the only way he has out of this is if Mark stops calling.

“Tell him he needs to let you go.” Jeno sounds pained, as if he’s own heart is aching. “He’s destroying you.”

It’s true. Mark is destroying him. Every little piece of him, and still, even with the way his whole being hurts, he can’t seem to be able to get away. He can’t quit Mark Lee, and something, a quiet voice inside his brain that echoes through his entire body, tells him Mark can’t quit Lee Donghyuck either.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed reading :) hopefully this work is going to be well received so i can work on developing their relationship.


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